How to Get Along With In Laws: 12 Practical Steps

Knowing how to get along with in laws is a skill that benefits a marriage for a lifetime, and it is a skill you can learn. Whether you are a new husband, a new wife, or years into your marriage, the way you treat your spouse’s family affects the peace of your home. Parents, brothers, sisters and cousins come as a package with the person you love, and while you did not choose them, you can choose how you treat them. This guide shows practical ways to get along with your in laws, including your mother in law, daughter in law and sister in law, with simple habits, sample sentences and honest answers to the questions couples ask most.

Why It Can Be Hard to Get Along With In Laws

Understanding the reasons makes you gentler in your response. Common sources of tension include:

1. Different habits. Every family cooks, speaks and celebrates differently.
2. Fear of losing a child. Parents sometimes worry they will lose their place in their child’s life.
3. Different expectations. Roles, money and raising children often differ between families.
4. Little time together. Without regular contact, strangers stay strangers.
5. Old family stories. Some quarrels began long before you arrived.
6. Stress. Busy lives and tiredness shorten tempers.

None of these are personal attacks. They are human stories that can be softened with time and kindness.

How to Get Along With In Laws: 12 Practical Steps

1. Start with respect. Greet them warmly, use polite titles and listen when they speak.
2. Be patient. Real trust takes months, sometimes years.
3. Find common ground. Food, children, health, gardening, stories of your spouse as a child: ask and listen.
4. Be positive about your spouse in front of them. Parents love hearing that their child is cherished.
5. Never criticise your spouse’s family to your spouse. Even if your spouse agrees in the moment, it often hurts later.
6. Keep your problems private. Do not report quarrels to either set of parents.
7. Visit regularly. A short visit every week is better than a long visit twice a year.
8. Offer small acts of help. Bring something, carry something, fix something.
9. Speak softly. Even a hard truth can be spoken gently.
10. Do not take everything personally. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
11. Thank them often. A sincere thank you is the cheapest and most powerful gift.
12. Work as a team with your spouse. Agree together on how you will respond before you meet family.

How to Get Along With Your Mother in Law

The relationship between a wife and her mother in law is among the most talked about in any family. A few reliable habits help.

1. Ask her to teach you one of her dishes. People love sharing what they are good at.
2. Thank her for raising your husband.
3. Respect her place in the home, even when you live apart.
4. Let your husband speak to her when something is sensitive.
5. Show you value her as a grandmother, with respect for your own rules for the children.

If you are the mother in law, read our guide to being a good mother in law for tips from your side of the table.

How to Get Along With Your Daughter in Law and Son in Law

1. Welcome them as full members of the family.
2. Avoid comparing them to your own spouse or other relatives.
3. Offer advice only when asked, and offer it kindly.
4. Respect their privacy and their home.
5. Thank them for how they treat your child.

New daughters and sons in law can read how to be a good daughter in law and how to be a good son in law for habits that win hearts.

How to Get Along With a Sister in Law or Brother in Law

Siblings-in-law can be a gift: a friend for life or a source of constant tension. To keep it friendly:

1. Keep communication polite and honest.
2. Do not compete over parents’ attention.
3. Avoid gossip. What you say about one sibling will reach another.
4. Be generous with praise, and slow to take offence.
5. Remember birthdays, good news and hard times.
6. Share small tasks at family events rather than leaving them to one person.

What to Say: Gentle Sentences for Common Moments

1. “Thank you so much for having us. The food was wonderful.”
2. “We appreciate the advice. We will talk about it as a family.”
3. “We are tired tonight. Could we visit tomorrow?”
4. “I may not see it the same way, but I know you care.”
5. “I am sorry for the misunderstanding. I did not mean to upset you.”
6. “How is your health? Is there anything we can help with?”

Kind, short sentences calm many heated situations before they begin.

Holiday-Free Ways to Stay Close All Year

Relationships grow in ordinary weeks, not just at big gatherings. Here are simple routines that keep families warm without needing special occasions:

1. A weekly phone call to the older generation, even if it lasts five minutes.
2. A monthly family meal, rotating the host so one person is not always carrying the work.
3. A shared message group used only for kind news, health updates and helpful reminders, never for arguments.
4. Sending a photo of the children to grandparents and asking about their day in return.
5. Remembering the sick and the lonely in the family with a visit or a dish of food.
6. Helping with errands for elderly in laws, such as shopping or a lift to an appointment.

These small habits tell your in laws, “You matter to us.” Over time they replace distance with familiarity, and familiarity is the soil where friendship grows.

Teach Your Children to Love Both Families

Children copy what they hear. If they hear you speak kindly about both sets of grandparents, they will love both. If they hear criticism, they will feel torn. Avoid saying negative things about relatives in front of them, and make visits to both families a joyful part of life. Let grandparents tell stories, teach a skill or share a meal with the children. When children grow up seeing respect between families, they carry that peace into their own marriages, and the circle of kindness widens for generations.

You can also explain to older children, in simple words, why we honour elders even when we disagree: because they have lived longer, sacrificed for us, and deserve gentleness. That lesson is one of the greatest gifts you will give them.

Gift Ideas to Show Care

Gifts should be thoughtful rather than expensive. Good ideas include fresh fruit or sweets, a warm shawl, a framed family photograph, a handwritten thank-you note, a home-cooked meal or something connected to a hobby they love. Giving something small regularly builds more goodwill than a single big present.

When the Relationship Is Difficult

If some in laws are truly unkind, hold on to dignity and boundaries. Keep visits short and pleasant, avoid sensitive topics and never respond to insults with insults. Ask a fair and respected elder to help the family talk. Our guide on how to set boundaries with in laws offers a step-by-step plan, and the article on signs your in laws are jealous of you may help you read the situation calmly.

If there is ever violence, threats or real danger, step to safety and speak to trusted family elders or local support right away.

Remember that you are not trying to win over every relative overnight. You are laying bricks. One kind word, one patient silence and one helping hand at a time, the wall between two families becomes a doorway. Even if some people never fully warm up, your spouse will notice and treasure your effort, and your marriage will be the stronger for it.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

1. Making your spouse choose between you and their parents.
2. Bringing up old quarrels again and again.
3. Talking about in laws on social media.
4. Expecting instant friendship.
5. Comparing families.
6. Avoiding every gathering. Absence builds distance.

Your Try This Week Checklist

1. Call or visit one in-law just to say hello.
2. Give one honest compliment.
3. Ask one question about their life and listen.
4. Thank your spouse for supporting you.
5. Let one small irritation go.

More on this topic is in our Marriage section.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I get along with in laws I do not like?
Treat them with polite respect, focus on shared interests and keep visits short. You do not have to be best friends to be peaceful.

Why do wives and mother in laws sometimes not get along?
Often both love the same man and fear losing a place. Understanding, respect and a husband who treats both fairly help a great deal.

Should I tell my spouse about problems with their family?
Yes, calmly and privately, with a focus on feelings and solutions rather than blame.

How long does it take to build a good relationship?
Usually a year or more. Consistency matters more than speed.

Getting along with in laws is a long, patient journey. Each kind word is a stone in a bridge that your children and grandchildren will one day cross.