What to Do When Someone Pretends to Love You

Being loved is one of life’s greatest joys—but what happens when that love isn’t real? If you suspect someone is pretending to love you, it’s time to pause, reflect, and take action. This guide helps you recognize the signs, understand your worth, and reclaim your emotional well-being.

Key Takeaways

• Recognize the red flags: Inconsistent behavior, lack of emotional depth, and avoidance of commitment are common signs someone is pretending to love you.
• Trust your instincts: If something feels off in the relationship, don’t dismiss it—your gut is often right.
• Set clear boundaries: Protect your emotional health by communicating your needs and refusing to tolerate manipulation or dishonesty.
• Focus on self-love: Rebuilding your self-worth after emotional deception starts with prioritizing your own happiness and healing.
• Seek support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist to gain clarity and emotional support during this difficult time.
• Know when to walk away: Staying in a fake relationship only prolongs pain—leaving is an act of strength, not failure.
• Learn and grow: Use the experience to better understand what you deserve in future relationships.

Introduction: The Pain of Pretended Love

Love is supposed to feel safe, warm, and real. It’s the kind of connection that makes you feel seen, valued, and cherished. But what happens when that love is just a performance? When the person you’re giving your heart to is only pretending to care? It’s a deeply painful experience—one that can shake your trust, your self-esteem, and your ability to believe in love again.

You might be reading this because you’ve started to notice things that don’t add up. Maybe your partner says all the right things but never follows through. Or perhaps they’re emotionally distant one day and overly affectionate the next. These inconsistencies can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and questioning your own judgment. You start to wonder: “Am I imagining this? Is it me?” The truth is, you’re not imagining it. When someone pretends to love you, they’re playing a role—and you’re the audience.

This article is here to help you navigate that painful reality. We’ll explore how to recognize the signs of fake love, understand why people do it, and most importantly, what you can do to protect yourself and move forward. Whether you’re in the thick of it or just starting to suspect something’s wrong, know this: you deserve real love. And you have the power to find it.

Signs Someone Is Pretending to Love You

One of the hardest parts of dealing with pretended love is that it often looks a lot like the real thing—at first. The person might say “I love you,” plan romantic dates, or even talk about the future. But over time, cracks begin to show. Here are some common signs that someone isn’t being genuine in their feelings.

They Say “I Love You” But Don’t Show It

Words are easy. Actions are hard. If your partner frequently says “I love you” but their behavior doesn’t match, that’s a red flag. For example, they might say they care but cancel plans last minute, ignore your messages, or dismiss your feelings. Real love is consistent. Pretended love is performative.

Imagine this: You’re going through a tough time at work. You call your partner, hoping for comfort. They answer with a distracted “Yeah, that sucks,” then immediately change the subject to their own day. Later, they text you a sweet “I love you” with a heart emoji. The disconnect is jarring. That’s not love—that’s convenience.

They Avoid Serious Conversations

People who truly love you want to build a future together. They’re open about their goals, fears, and dreams. But someone pretending to love you will dodge deep conversations. They might change the subject when you bring up moving in together, marriage, or even long-term plans. They’re not invested—they’re just keeping you around for now.

For instance, you bring up the idea of traveling together next summer. Instead of getting excited or discussing options, they say, “We’ll see,” and quickly shift to talking about a TV show. That’s not uncertainty—it’s avoidance.

They’re Inconsistent in Their Affection

Real love is steady. It doesn’t come in waves. But pretended love often follows a pattern: intense affection followed by emotional withdrawal. One day, they’re texting you sweet messages all day. The next, they’re distant and unresponsive. This push-pull behavior is a classic sign of emotional manipulation.

Think of it like this: You’re on an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, you feel loved and secure. The next, you’re left wondering what you did wrong. That’s not love—that’s control.

They Keep You Isolated

People who pretend to love you may try to isolate you from friends and family. They might say things like, “Your friends don’t really get us,” or “Your family is too involved.” This isn’t about protecting the relationship—it’s about gaining power over you.

When you’re isolated, you’re more likely to rely on them for validation. And when they’re the only source of emotional support, even fake love can feel real. But real love encourages you to maintain your connections and grow as a person.

They Make Promises They Never Keep

Promises are easy to make. Keeping them is what matters. If your partner constantly makes grand promises—like planning a trip, helping you move, or being there for a big event—but never follows through, that’s a sign they’re not serious.

For example, they promise to help you with a project for weeks, but when the day comes, they “forget” or come up with an excuse. That’s not forgetfulness—that’s indifference.

Why Do People Pretend to Love You?

Understanding why someone would pretend to love you isn’t about excusing their behavior—it’s about gaining clarity. Most people don’t set out to deceive. Instead, their actions stem from deeper issues, often rooted in insecurity, fear, or past trauma.

They’re Afraid of Being Alone

One of the most common reasons people pretend to love someone is fear of loneliness. They may not genuinely care about you, but they enjoy the companionship, attention, or stability you provide. Staying in a relationship—even a fake one—feels safer than being single.

Imagine someone who’s emotionally unavailable but doesn’t want to be alone. They might string you along with sweet words and occasional affection, just enough to keep you interested. But deep down, they’re not invested. They’re just using you as a placeholder.

They’re Seeking Validation

Some people pretend to love others to boost their own ego. They enjoy the admiration, the attention, and the sense of control that comes with being “loved.” But their focus is on themselves, not on building a real connection.

For example, a person might date someone just to post couple photos on social media. They’re not in it for the relationship—they’re in it for the image.

They’re Emotionally Immature

Emotional maturity is key to healthy relationships. But some people simply don’t have the skills to love someone authentically. They may not understand empathy, communication, or commitment. Instead, they mimic what they think love should look like—based on movies, past relationships, or societal expectations.

This can lead to a relationship that feels scripted. They say the right things at the right times, but there’s no real emotional depth. It’s like watching a play—polished on the surface, but empty underneath.

They’re Using You for Something Else

In some cases, people pretend to love you for selfish reasons. Maybe they need financial support, a place to stay, or help with their career. They may shower you with affection to keep you compliant and invested, even though their true motives are transactional.

For instance, someone might start dating you shortly after losing their job, then rely on you for rent money. When you confront them, they say, “I love you—I’d do anything for you.” But their actions show otherwise.

How to Protect Your Heart When Love Isn’t Real

Discovering that someone is pretending to love you is heartbreaking. But your emotional well-being matters more than their deception. Here’s how to protect yourself and begin the healing process.

Trust Your Gut

Your instincts are powerful. If you’ve been feeling uneasy, anxious, or confused in the relationship, don’t ignore those feelings. Your subconscious picks up on subtle cues—body language, tone of voice, inconsistencies—that your conscious mind might dismiss.

Ask yourself:
– Do I feel safe and respected?
– Do I feel like I can be myself?
– Do I feel more drained than fulfilled after spending time with them?

If the answer to any of these is no, it’s time to pay attention.

Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are not about controlling the other person—they’re about protecting yourself. Be clear about what you will and won’t accept. For example:
– “I need you to be honest with me, even when it’s hard.”
– “I won’t tolerate being ignored for days without explanation.”
– “I expect you to follow through on your promises.”

If they respect your boundaries, that’s a good sign. If they dismiss or mock them, that’s a red flag.

Limit Emotional Investment

It’s hard not to fall for someone who says all the right things. But if you suspect their love isn’t real, try to slow down your emotional investment. Avoid making big life decisions based on the relationship. Don’t move in together, get engaged, or cut ties with friends just because they say they love you.

Instead, take a step back. Observe their actions. Ask yourself: Are they showing up for me when it matters? Are they consistent?

Talk to Someone You Trust

You don’t have to go through this alone. Confide in a close friend, family member, or therapist. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly. They might notice patterns you’ve missed or validate your feelings.

For example, you might say, “I think my partner is pretending to love me.” A trusted friend might respond, “I’ve noticed they cancel plans a lot. That doesn’t seem right.” That validation can give you the courage to take action.

Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to blame yourself when someone pretends to love you. You might think, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why didn’t I see it sooner?” But remember: their deception is not your fault. You didn’t cause it, and you don’t deserve it.

Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your pain. Allow yourself to grieve the relationship you thought you had. And remind yourself: you are worthy of real, honest love.

When to Walk Away: Knowing It’s Time to Leave

Staying in a relationship where love is pretended is emotionally draining. It erodes your self-esteem, clouds your judgment, and keeps you from finding real connection. But how do you know when it’s time to leave?

You’ve Tried to Communicate, But Nothing Changes

If you’ve expressed your concerns and they’ve promised to change—but nothing improves—it’s a sign they’re not willing to put in the effort. Real love requires work. Pretended love requires only performance.

For example, you tell them, “I need more emotional support,” and they say, “I’ll try.” But weeks go by, and they’re still distant. That’s not trying—that’s avoiding.

You Feel More Lonely Than Loved

If you feel more isolated, anxious, or unhappy in the relationship than you do when you’re alone, it’s time to go. A healthy relationship should make you feel supported, not drained.

Ask yourself: Do I feel better or worse after spending time with them? If the answer is worse, that’s a clear sign.

They’re Not Willing to Be Honest

Honesty is the foundation of love. If your partner refuses to be open about their feelings, intentions, or past, that’s a major red flag. You can’t build a real relationship on secrets and half-truths.

For instance, they avoid questions about their past relationships or get defensive when you ask about their future plans. That’s not privacy—that’s deception.

You’re Staying Out of Fear, Not Love

Are you staying because you’re afraid of being alone? Afraid of starting over? Afraid of what people will say? If your reasons for staying are based on fear, not love, it’s time to leave.

True love doesn’t thrive in fear. It grows in trust, safety, and mutual respect.

You Deserve Better

This might be the most important reason of all. You deserve to be loved—truly, deeply, and authentically. You deserve someone who shows up for you, not just when it’s convenient, but when it’s hard. You deserve someone who sees you, values you, and chooses you—every single day.

Walking away isn’t failure. It’s courage. It’s choosing yourself.

Healing and Moving Forward After Fake Love

Leaving a relationship where love was pretended is just the first step. The real work begins when you start to heal. Here’s how to rebuild your confidence and open your heart to real love.

Give Yourself Time to Grieve

It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. You’re mourning the relationship you thought you had. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment. Cry if you need to. Write in a journal. Talk to a therapist.

Healing isn’t linear. Some days will be harder than others. But every day, you’re moving forward.

Reconnect with Yourself

When you’re in a relationship—especially a fake one—it’s easy to lose sight of who you are. Take time to rediscover your passions, interests, and values. Do things that make you happy. Spend time with people who uplift you.

Try a new hobby. Take a solo trip. Reconnect with old friends. The more you invest in yourself, the stronger you’ll become.

Reflect on What You’ve Learned

Every relationship—good or bad—teaches us something. Ask yourself:
– What did I learn about myself?
– What do I need in a partner?
– What red flags should I watch for in the future?

Use this experience as a lesson, not a life sentence.

Open Your Heart Gradually

You don’t have to jump into a new relationship right away. Take your time. When you’re ready, open your heart slowly. Pay attention to actions, not just words. Look for consistency, honesty, and mutual respect.

And remember: real love doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be real.

Conclusion: You Deserve Real Love

Being loved is a fundamental human need. But being loved falsely? That’s a wound that cuts deep. If you’ve been through this, know that your pain is valid. Your feelings matter. And your worth is not defined by someone else’s deception.

What to do when someone pretends to love you? First, recognize the signs. Then, trust yourself. Set boundaries. Seek support. And when the time comes, walk away with your head held high. Because leaving a fake relationship isn’t a loss—it’s a liberation.

You are not too much. You are not unlovable. You are not broken. You are someone who deserves a love that’s honest, kind, and real. And that love is out there—waiting for you.

So take a deep breath. Heal. Grow. And when you’re ready, open your heart again. Not to anyone—but to the right one. The one who doesn’t just say they love you, but shows it—every single day.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can I tell if someone is pretending to love me?

Look for inconsistencies between their words and actions. If they say they love you but don’t show it through consistent care, support, and honesty, they may be pretending. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is.

Is it possible for someone to pretend to love you and then fall in love for real?

While emotions can change, pretending to love someone is a form of deception. If someone starts with dishonesty, it’s hard to build a foundation of trust. Focus on relationships that begin with honesty and mutual respect.

Should I confront someone who I think is pretending to love me?

Yes, but do so calmly and clearly. Express your feelings and observations without accusation. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you often cancel plans, and it makes me feel unimportant.” Their response will tell you a lot.

How do I stop doubting myself after being in a fake relationship?

Remind yourself that their deception was about them, not you. Practice self-compassion, seek support, and focus on rebuilding your self-worth through positive experiences and affirmations.

Can a relationship recover if one person was pretending to love the other?

It’s possible, but only if both people are committed to honesty, therapy, and rebuilding trust. However, it’s often healthier to leave and seek a relationship built on authenticity from the start.

How long does it take to heal from a fake relationship?

Healing time varies, but most people begin to feel better within a few weeks to a few months. Be patient with yourself. Focus on self-care, support, and personal growth to speed up the process.