Why Do Guys Pretend to Like You

Ever wondered why a guy acts interested one day and distant the next? You’re not alone—many women face confusing behavior where men pretend to like them without real commitment. This article dives into the psychology, red flags, and practical ways to tell if his interest is real or just pretense.

Have you ever been in a situation where a guy seemed totally into you—texting you daily, making future plans, even saying sweet things—only to suddenly go quiet or act distant? You start questioning everything: *Did I do something wrong? Was he ever really interested?* You’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not alone. This confusing dance is more common than you think, and it often comes down to one frustrating truth: **some guys pretend to like you**.

It’s not always malicious. Sometimes, it’s subtle—a mix of kindness, attention, and half-truths that leave you wondering where you stand. Other times, it’s more obvious: he cancels plans last minute, avoids defining the relationship, or only reaches out when it’s convenient for him. But why would someone do this? Why go through the effort of pretending to like someone if they don’t truly mean it?

The answer lies in a mix of psychology, social dynamics, and personal insecurities. Men, just like women, struggle with emotional honesty, fear of rejection, and the pressure to perform in relationships. And in today’s dating world—where apps, ghosting, and “situationships” are the norm—it’s easier than ever to blur the lines between real interest and polite pretense.

This article will help you understand the real reasons why guys pretend to like you, how to spot the signs early, and what you can do to protect your heart and time. Whether you’re navigating a new connection or trying to make sense of past experiences, this guide will give you clarity, confidence, and practical tools to recognize genuine interest—and walk away from the rest.

Key Takeaways

• Fear of rejection or vulnerability: Some men pretend to like you to avoid feeling rejected or to keep you close without emotional risk.
• They’re keeping options open: He may be stringing you along while exploring other romantic or sexual opportunities.
• Low self-esteem or validation seeking: Pretending to like someone can boost a man’s ego, especially if he craves attention or admiration.
• He’s unsure about his feelings: Confusion or emotional immaturity can lead to mixed signals and half-hearted interest.
• Social pressure or politeness: Sometimes, men pretend to like you to avoid hurting your feelings or to fit in socially.
• You’re misreading friendly behavior as romantic interest: Not every nice guy is into you—some are just naturally warm or polite.
• He’s using you for emotional or physical comfort: Some men stay in a gray area to enjoy benefits like companionship or intimacy without commitment.

Understanding the Psychology Behind Pretending to Like Someone

At the core of why guys pretend to like you is a complex mix of emotional needs, social conditioning, and personal fears. Men are often taught from a young age to avoid vulnerability, suppress emotions, and prioritize independence. This can make it difficult for them to express genuine feelings or commit to a relationship—even if they’re interested.

One major factor is the **fear of rejection**. Many men worry that if they show too much interest too soon, they’ll come across as “needy” or “clingy.” To avoid this, they might play it cool, send mixed signals, or pretend to be less invested than they actually are. It’s a defense mechanism—better to pretend you’re not that into someone than risk being turned down.

Another psychological driver is **emotional immaturity**. Not all men are ready for a real relationship, even if they say they are. Some may enjoy the attention, affection, or excitement of dating without understanding—or wanting—the responsibilities that come with commitment. Pretending to like you allows them to enjoy the benefits of a connection without the emotional labor.

Then there’s the issue of **low self-esteem**. Some men use relationships—or the illusion of them—to boost their confidence. They may pretend to like you to feel desired, important, or validated. This isn’t necessarily about you; it’s about their own insecurities. The attention you give them feeds their ego, even if they have no intention of building something real.

The Role of Social Conditioning

Society often tells men that being “emotionally available” is a weakness. From movies to peer groups, there’s a cultural script that encourages men to be stoic, detached, and in control. This can lead to a fear of being “too soft” or “too invested” in a relationship.

As a result, some men adopt a “player” mentality—not because they’re inherently dishonest, but because they’ve learned that showing too much interest makes them vulnerable. Pretending to like you becomes a way to maintain control while still enjoying your company.

This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it helps explain it. When a guy says things like “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” but still texts you every day and asks to hang out, he might not be lying—he might genuinely believe he’s not ready. But his actions say otherwise. That’s where the pretense begins.

Emotional Avoidance and Avoidant Attachment

Attachment theory can also shed light on why some men pretend to like you. Men with an **avoidant attachment style** often crave closeness but fear intimacy. They may enjoy the early stages of dating—the flirting, the excitement, the attention—but pull away when things get serious.

This creates a push-pull dynamic: he’s warm and engaging one week, then distant and unavailable the next. He’s not necessarily pretending to like you—he might genuinely feel drawn to you—but his fear of commitment causes him to retreat. To protect himself, he may downplay his interest or act indifferent, even when he’s thinking about you constantly.

This behavior can be especially confusing because it’s not consistent. One day he’s planning a weekend trip with you; the next, he’s “too busy” to reply to a text. It feels like emotional whiplash, and it leaves you questioning whether he ever cared at all.

Common Reasons Guys Pretend to Like You

Now that we’ve explored the psychology, let’s break down the most common reasons why guys pretend to like you. Understanding these motives can help you recognize the signs early and avoid wasting time on someone who isn’t truly invested.

1. They’re Keeping Their Options Open

One of the biggest reasons men pretend to like you is that they’re **keeping their options open**. They may genuinely enjoy your company, but they’re also talking to other women, going on dates, or keeping their dating app profiles active.

This doesn’t always mean they’re being deceitful—some men genuinely don’t know what they want. But when they string you along while exploring other possibilities, it becomes a form of pretense. They’re not fully committing to you, but they’re not letting you go either.

You might notice this in behaviors like:
– Only reaching out when it’s convenient for them
– Avoiding labels like “boyfriend” or “relationship”
– Making vague plans that never materialize
– Talking about other women or past relationships in a way that suggests they’re still open

If a guy is truly interested, he’ll make time for you, prioritize you, and show consistency. If he’s pretending, he’ll keep you in a gray area—close enough to enjoy your attention, but distant enough to keep his freedom.

2. They’re Seeking Validation or Ego Boosts

Some men pretend to like you because it makes them feel good. They enjoy the attention, the compliments, and the sense of being desired. This is especially common in men with **low self-esteem** or a need for external validation.

They might flirt with you, compliment your looks, or act interested—but only when it serves their ego. Once they feel secure or get the validation they need, they pull back. It’s not about building a connection with you; it’s about feeling important.

You can spot this when:
– He only texts you when he’s bored or lonely
– He brags about how many women are into him
– He seems more interested in how you make him feel than in getting to know you
– He disappears after you give him attention or affection

This behavior is emotionally draining because it leaves you feeling used. You’re not being valued for who you are—you’re being used as a tool for someone else’s confidence.

3. They’re Afraid of Commitment

Commitment can be scary—even for people who say they want a relationship. Some men pretend to like you because they’re drawn to you, but they’re not ready (or willing) to take the next step.

This often shows up as **mixed signals**. He might say things like “I really like you” or “You’re amazing,” but then avoid making plans, cancel last minute, or refuse to define the relationship. He’s sending the message that he cares—but his actions say otherwise.

This fear can stem from past experiences, family dynamics, or a general discomfort with vulnerability. Some men equate commitment with loss of freedom, so they resist it—even when they’re emotionally attached.

If a guy is truly interested, he’ll show it through consistent effort. If he’s pretending, he’ll keep you close but never fully let you in.

4. They’re Being Polite or Socially Conditioned

Not every guy who pretends to like you is doing it on purpose. Sometimes, it’s just **social politeness** or cultural conditioning.

For example, some men are naturally friendly, warm, or flirtatious—even with people they’re not romantically interested in. They might compliment you, laugh at your jokes, or initiate conversations because that’s just how they are. But that doesn’t mean they want a relationship.

This can be especially confusing if you’re reading romantic interest into friendly behavior. A guy might be kind, attentive, or charming—but only because he’s a nice person, not because he’s into you.

You can tell the difference by looking at **consistency and effort**. A genuinely interested guy will make time for you, remember details about your life, and show up when it matters. A polite guy might be sweet in the moment, but he won’t follow through.

5. They’re Using You for Emotional or Physical Comfort

Some men stay in a gray area with you because they enjoy the **emotional or physical benefits** without the responsibilities.

This might look like:
– Only texting you late at night (“booty call” behavior)
– Acting interested when they’re lonely or going through a hard time
– Avoiding deep conversations but still wanting to hang out
– Saying “I miss you” but never making plans to see you

They’re not pretending to like you in the sense of faking emotions—they might genuinely enjoy your company. But they’re not willing to invest in a real relationship. They’re using you for comfort, companionship, or physical intimacy, but not for love or commitment.

This is one of the most painful forms of pretense because it feels real in the moment. But over time, the lack of effort and consistency reveals the truth.

How to Spot the Signs He’s Pretending to Like You

Now that you know the reasons, how can you tell if a guy is genuinely interested or just pretending? Here are the most common red flags to watch for.

Inconsistent Communication

One of the biggest signs is **inconsistent communication**. If he texts you every day for a week, then disappears for three days, then comes back with “Hey, what’s up?”—that’s a red flag.

Genuine interest shows up in consistency. A guy who really likes you will make an effort to stay in touch, even if life gets busy. He’ll explain delays, apologize for being distant, and make time for you.

Pretenders, on the other hand, come and go as they please. They’re available when it’s convenient, but they don’t prioritize you.

Avoiding Labels and Future Plans

If a guy avoids defining the relationship or making future plans, he might be pretending to like you.

Ask yourself:
– Has he ever called you his girlfriend (or equivalent)?
– Does he talk about future events like trips, holidays, or meeting friends?
– Does he introduce you to people in his life?

If the answer is no—or if he changes the subject when you bring it up—he’s likely not serious.

A man who’s truly interested will want to integrate you into his world. He’ll make plans, introduce you to his friends, and talk about the future—even if it’s just “I’d love to take you to that new restaurant next month.”

Only Reaching Out When It’s Convenient

Pay attention to **when and why** he contacts you.

Does he only text you late at night? Only reach out when he’s bored? Only call when he’s had a bad day?

If his interest is tied to his own needs—not yours—it’s a sign he’s using you for comfort, not building a relationship.

A genuinely interested guy will reach out because he *wants* to talk to you, not because he *needs* something.

Lack of Emotional Depth

Another red flag is a **lack of emotional depth**. If all your conversations are surface-level—weather, work, weekend plans—but he never shares personal thoughts, feelings, or vulnerabilities, he’s not opening up to you.

Real connection requires emotional intimacy. A man who’s pretending to like you might be charming and fun, but he won’t let you see the real him.

Ask yourself: Does he know your fears, dreams, or past experiences? Does he share his own?

If not, he’s keeping you at arm’s length—even if he acts interested.

He Disappears During Important Moments

This is a major red flag. If he ghosts you during a crisis—like when you’re sick, stressed, or going through a hard time—he’s not truly invested.

A man who cares about you will show up when it matters. He might not have the perfect words, but he’ll be there.

Pretenders disappear when things get real. They’re happy to enjoy the good times, but they bail when emotions get heavy.

What to Do If You Realize He’s Pretending

Realizing that someone is pretending to like you can be heartbreaking. But it’s also an opportunity to take back your power and protect your heart.

1. Stop Making Excuses for Him

It’s easy to rationalize his behavior: “He’s just busy,” “He’s not good with emotions,” “He’ll come around.”

But if he’s consistently showing you mixed signals, it’s time to stop making excuses. Acknowledge the truth: he’s not treating you with the respect and consistency you deserve.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

If you’re still talking to him, set boundaries. Let him know what you need:
– “I’d like us to text more consistently.”
– “I’m not interested in casual dating. I’m looking for something serious.”
– “If you’re not ready for a relationship, I understand—but I need honesty.”

See how he responds. If he pushes back, makes excuses, or disappears—walk away.

3. Focus on Yourself

Use this time to reconnect with yourself. Do things that make you happy, spend time with friends, and work on your goals.

When you’re fulfilled on your own, you’re less likely to tolerate half-hearted interest from others.

4. Walk Away with Grace

You don’t need to confront him or demand answers. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is walk away.

Send a simple message if you need closure:
“I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m looking for something more consistent. I wish you the best.”

Then block or mute him if needed. Protect your peace.

How to Attract Genuine Interest

Instead of wondering why guys pretend to like you, focus on attracting men who are truly interested.

Here’s how:
– Be clear about what you want in a relationship
– Don’t settle for breadcrumbing or mixed signals
– Value your time and emotional energy
– Date men who show consistency, honesty, and effort

When you raise your standards, you naturally filter out pretenders. The right man won’t need to pretend—he’ll show you his interest through actions, not just words.

Conclusion

Why do guys pretend to like you? The answer isn’t simple, but it usually comes down to fear, insecurity, or a lack of emotional readiness. Whether they’re avoiding commitment, seeking validation, or just keeping their options open, pretending to like someone is a sign of emotional unavailability—not love.

The good news? You don’t have to stay confused or hurt. By recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your own worth, you can stop wasting time on pretenders and start attracting men who are truly interested in you.

Remember: **real love doesn’t play games**. It shows up consistently, communicates honestly, and builds something meaningful. If a guy is pretending to like you, he’s not the one. But the right one is out there—someone who won’t need to pretend, because he’ll be genuinely excited to be with you.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do guys pretend to like you but then ignore you?

They may be avoiding emotional responsibility or keeping their options open. Some men enjoy the attention without wanting real commitment, so they engage when it’s convenient but pull away when things get serious.

How can I tell if a guy is genuinely interested or just pretending?

Look for consistency in communication, effort in making plans, emotional openness, and willingness to define the relationship. Pretenders often send mixed signals and avoid future commitments.

Is it possible he’s pretending because he’s scared?

Yes. Fear of rejection, vulnerability, or commitment can cause men to pretend to like you. They may care but lack the emotional tools to express it honestly.

Should I confront him if I think he’s pretending?

You can have an honest conversation, but don’t expect a clear answer. If he’s pretending, he may deny it or make excuses. Focus on your needs and walk away if he doesn’t change.

Can a guy who pretends to like you ever change?

It’s possible, but only if he’s self-aware and willing to grow. Most men who pretend to like you aren’t ready for real intimacy. Don’t wait for someone to change—choose someone who’s already aligned with your values.

What should I do if I’ve been hurt by someone pretending to like me?

Give yourself time to heal, reflect on what you want, and avoid blaming yourself. Use the experience to set stronger boundaries and recognize red flags earlier in future relationships.